Summer Days
Monday, October 20, 2003
You've never had a girlfriend, and your life doesn't feel so great, so you think that's the missing piece that'll make everything fall in place. You figure, if only you could share your loneliness with someone else, the world would become a much sunnier place because you finally have someone who cares if you're happy.
My god, let me tell you how wrong you are.
A girlfriend is not the line piece in Tetris that clears everything out for you, and I know you get that metaphor because you're a goddamn nerd just like me. A relationship is a responsibility that most of us are not ready for, but you're going to get into one anyway, so let me tell you what it's like.
You tell yourself, happiness is making other people happy, and as soon as you have that ability your world is one fat rainbow slide into the pot of golden bliss. It seems true enough from what we've been taught, doesn't it? Hah.
You don't think you're ever going to break a girl's heart. You've always been on the receiving end of heartbreak this far. Anyone that you date, you're going to treat like a goddess, unlike all those other asshole guys in the world. You're different. You're better. You're going to be happy.
You're a stupid little kid.
I broke a girl's heart a week and three days ago, a girl who didn't deserve it, a girl who I made happy. I realized I wasn't happy sometime in the last two months, but I tried staying in the relationship as long as I could for her sake. And this is where I realized what a huge burden her happiness was, a burden made a thousand times worse because I knew it shouldn't be a burden. When I couldn't do it anymore, I realized that in life, you're going to have to be a bastard every once in a while. It's necessary, it's unavoidable, and it's going to happen to you.
To end this increasingly incoherent lecture, don't make yourself believe that you can find inner happiness from other people. It's the other way around, something you need to figure out before you end up breaking someone's heart. So stop whining about needing someone, sit your ass down, and think about what it is you want, who you want to be and if you could really find someone who's at the same time in their life as yours.
Relationship: responsibility. Too much of one without the other.
-p5
hmm..just seeing if anyone uses this piece o' shit.
